Searching for Optimism in the Environmental Studies Aisle

Powells Bookstore, 12:45 p.m.

I find myself physically closing up, hunkering down, hugging my books tighter and tighter to my chest as I lower myself down onto my haunches to scan the lower shelves, searching in vain for a shred of optimism. I am practically in the fetal position. The titles are so depressing. What are we doing to our planet to make the Environmental Studies aisle such a depressing and desolate place? This aisle used to inspire me. Now it scares me. There's nothing I want to read because all the words spell doom and destruction. Titles such as Losing Ground, Trashing the Planet, and The End of Nature lie in wait on the shelves; I feel as though they might snap at my hand if I reach out to pull one down. My emotional reaction of horror manifests itself in a very real shrinking away from the shelves, feeling for the security of the Sustainability shelves behind me, hugging my book on meditation and my pocket Spanish dictionary -- my assurance of a positive reality -- to my chest. There are tears at the edges of my eyes.

Maybe this is why I need to go into the field of environmental science - to assure myself that all is not lost, that hope remains. For now, I sit in the aisle of the bookstore, overwhelmed -- but not quite defeated -- wondering what the future holds.